This weeks review is on two chapters that talk about sex and visual distractions. Let’s see what the book says about the two topics! But first, in case you want to check out previous chapter reviews here they are:
Ok on to today’s chapters!
Chapter 5- “Sex Changes Everything- Why Sex Unlocks a Man’s Emotions”
This chapter starts out with a quote that says,
Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.
One of the polls taken asked if men had sex as often as they wanted how important would it be to also feel wanted and desired by their wife. 66% said very important and 31% said somewhat important. All but 3% of men feel that it is important to be wanted by their women! Our men want to be wanted. Fulfilling sex makes our husbands feel loved and desired, but it also gives him confidence.
In the previous review we talked about how our man often feels like an impostor. This chapter says showing him that we desire him gives him a firm foundation to take on the rest of the world. I know that I want to support Ryan in every aspect of life so that he can reach his highest potential! With that being said the chapter also recommends some things to “overcome the sex gap”. It recommends:
1) Choose to love him in the way he needs: View sex as an essential piece to your husbands mental state rather than pure physical needs
2) Get involved: Our guys like it when we are enjoying sex so don’t be afraid to try new things or discuss what you like and don’t like.
3) Make sex a priority: No need to explain.
4) If you need help, get it: Sometimes past experiences can hold women back from enjoying sex with their husbands. If this is the case get help to guide you through those feelings. For the sake of you and your husband.
Chapter 6- “Keeper of the Visual Rolodex- Why it’s So Natural for Him to Look and So Hard to Forget What He’s Seen”
I will be honest. This chapter was hard for me to grasp and take in.
This chapter has two main points: 1) Most men (98%) notice attractive women and even if they try not to look at them they are “acutely aware of her presence.” It is natural for men to notice to pretty ladies. 2) Men have a mental Rolodex of sensual images. These images come up randomly or can be called up at will and they range from intimate times with their wives to porn scenes they saw years ago. Shaunti explains it in this way,
Because men are hardwired to be sexual hunters those thoughts and images become associated with powerful feelings. When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sexual pleasure- a short-term pleasure that, hopefully, the man denies himself in order to honor God, his wife, or his mental purity and thus establish a deeper pleasure down the road.
The great news is every man can obviously make the choice to dwell on the thoughts and images or to dismiss them!
Where 90-98 percent of men record they are visual (in the sense of the two ways listed above) only 25 % of women are visual which makes this concept very hard for us to understand at times. For this reason the chapter ends with some reassurances and some to do’s. Reassurances: 1) His temptations are often not primarily sexual, but more instinctive. 2) Every man is different which allows them to experience visual temptations differently. 3) It’s not because of you! 4) This doesn’t impact his feelings for you! They do not have a relationship with those that catch their eyes, however with you they have a deep and meaningful relationship.
And lastly what is a women to do about all this sex and visual distraction stuff?!
1) Pray for your husband and for your relationship.
2) Check your heart.
3) Determine your involvement level
4) Become a support
5) Champion modesty in yourself and others
One personal suggestion: Have meaningful, fulfilling sex on a regular basis that you too look forward to, walk around naked in front of your husband, and dress nicely/sexy for your husband. These things will not only affect your husbands attitude and confidence, but also adds many images into his Rolodex that we don’t mind him pulling up over and over again!
If you would like to read in detail what these “to do’s” for women are all about you can get a copy of the book below or click the banner above for a chance to win a free copy!