I have had a lot on my heart lately so today it is going to be a confession session from me. Thoughts and ideas. Lessons and visions. I am just going to lay it all out here so you all know my heart. (This post is longer than usual so I apologize, but that is what happens with a confession session!)
The way that True Agape came about is when Ryan and I were engaged Ryan told me he thought it would be really awesome to give resources to newlyweds that we find, like and are useful to us. We were going to tag team blog and make it happen. After we got married we got it up and running. Ryan started no longer contributing posts. I continued until I got busy teaching. I would go through waves of posting and waves of not posting. I really was not sure if blogging about marriage was something I wanted to do.
Last year, things just really started coming together as far as how I was supposed to run this blog. We were trying to decide if I would go back to teaching this school year or not. I was looking in the Bible to see where God would lead me. I found 1 Corinthians 14:35. It said, “And if they (wives) want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home…” After I read this verse things just began falling into place. Ryan and I had already had conversations of where we each thought things should go. I didn’t necessarily agree 100% with Ryan. But when I read this verse I knew it was time to submit and trust that God was leading my husband. And he was! Things have all playing out amazingly.
So now here I am working on True Agape and running our youth motivational speaking business. I have come to love learning more about marriage and sharing with others. I enjoy connecting with other wives and learning from them! I am a competitive person who likes to bring good things into people’s lives. With that I constantly was watching numbers on these businesses. How many views, retention rate, how many clicks, duration spent on site, etc. I looked at things as a way for me to learn what can be better and where do I need to learn more. Which is okay in a sense. But then I was reading another blogger and she so humble talked about giving her future endeavors up to God before she even starts them. She was talking about how He blessed her with this opportunity and yes she was doing all she could earthly to make sure it is going to be a successful pursuit. However, she reminded me that we must indeed trust that He gave us the opportunity and we must continue to allow Him to evolve the project. Rather than us ourselves taking it completely into our worldly hands to try to figure out. Yes, we must do things here on Earth to further projects God had given us but we have to trust and draw closer to Him in what He entrusted us with.
Since then I have been praying that I myself can do that. Do what I am called to do here, but don’t be obsessed with numbers. If anything I should be obsessed over bringing glory to Him in what I am doing. So I am trying to change my focus. It is crazy the way we start seeing and hearing things we need as such wonderful times. I am reading a book and it quotes 1 Corinthians 15:58 “With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don’t hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort.”
I was having a hard time accepting the fact that SO MUCH traffic comes to the blog yet very little start to follow on social media, which to me was saying they did not find the information valuable enough to return for more information later. But I was reminded with the above quote it is not a waste of time. If I change one person’s life then it is worth it!
Through some research that I had done I found that a few blogs that had drama stories or even my own posts that could be thought to be drama got a lot of traffic. That made me really sad! Ryan and I do not have drama in our marriage. We are very intentional in working through any little thing that comes up so it does not build up to drama. We also are very intentional on who we spend time with. Therefore, I have no drama to write about. It made me feel like I would need to act like someone I was not to get views. And I am just not willing to do that! So again I pray that I am drawn to write about topics that are valuable and people can use.
Yesterday’s message at church was about the parable of the mustard seed in Matthew 13:31. It says, “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed…which indeed is the least of all the seeds; but when it is grown it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree…” The speaker talked about that the mustard seed is the smallest seed yet it grows bigger than all the other things. The speaker went on to say the kingdom is not about us building large, but about us planting small. Again, God was telling me stop trying to take on the world and do big things myself. But instead plant those little seeds each day and let the Lord grow then into huge trees! The speaker also said everything we do today sends out ripples we will never fully be aware of. Which is so true!
There it is. My confession. I cannot build this blog to reach thousands on my own. I cannot grow huge strong trees on my own. I will plant my tiny seeds day in and day out. With the blessings from above if this blog is supposed to reach thousand then it will. If huge trees are supposed to be grown then it will. But I will know that it did not happen by my power. I will know that I planted those little seeds and He grew them to huge strong trees! If those things don’t happen I will still know I did my job of relaying on Him to open and close doors to opportunities!
Is there a confession you would like to share?