Early on in Ryan and I’s relationship I realized we have different personality types when it comes to the kinds of spaces we can work in. I am a person of organization and order. Ryan not so much. I mean don’t get me wrong he does organize and have order it is just on a much different scale than what I hold to. To put it into simple terms he is a bit messier than me.
I started to recognize that if I did not start taking actions then, that I could become a nagging wife. That is not what I wanted to be! These actions were not thoughts on how to change Ryan or how to create time to pick up after him. But instead these actions were more of thought process or how I perceived our differences.
Here are three thoughts that helped me deal with my messy man:
1) Request instead of demand- Rather than telling Ryan that he needed to pick up his stuff I began asking him to when it was necessary. “My parents will be here around noon. Can you make sure to pick up the entry way before they get here?” Rather than, “My parents will be here around noon so you need to pick up the entry way.” Making a request shows more respect than demanding him to do it.
2) Love accepts- I really started to think about what this means. Love accepts who the other person is. That means even with all our quirks! In past relationships people have deemed my organization and order as being uptight, but Ryan understands and accepts me. I, in the same way, should accept him- even his messy traits.
3) Settle into reality- It has been said before, never marry expecting to change someone. I realized that Ryan being messier than me was just how it was going to be. It is okay that he isn’t as organized as me. That is reality!
I will add to this: Sometimes these types of things have to be discussed and a middle ground found. I do completely understand that! I am not referring to a situation where the health or safety of you and your family are at jeopardy. In this instance I am referring to slight difference in preferences that could cause negative emotions and resentment for something that in reality is minor. Also, I would like to add Ryan does a very good job considering my needs of needing organization and order. For us, we have found a common ground that works. However, in the beginning and still sometimes now I have to remember these three mindsets.
How do you deal with your messy man?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,