3 Ways to Deal with Your Messy Man

Early on in Ryan and I’s relationship I realized we have different personality types when it comes to the kinds of spaces we can work in. I am a person of organization and order. Ryan not so much. I mean don’t get me wrong he does organize and have order it is just on a much different scale than what I hold to. To put it into simple terms he is a bit messier than me.

I started to recognize that if I did not start taking actions then, that I could become a nagging wife. That is not what I wanted to be! These actions were not thoughts on how to change Ryan or how to create time to pick up after him. But instead these actions were more of thought process or how I perceived our differences.

3 Ways to Deal with Your Messy Man

Here are three thoughts that helped me deal with my messy man:

1)      Request instead of demand- Rather than telling Ryan that he needed to pick up his stuff I began asking him to when it was necessary. “My parents will be here around noon. Can you make sure to pick up the entry way before they get here?” Rather than, “My parents will be here around noon so you need to pick up the entry way.” Making a request shows more respect than demanding him to do it.

2)      Love accepts- I really started to think about what this means. Love accepts who the other person is. That means even with all our quirks! In past relationships people have deemed my organization and order as being uptight, but Ryan understands and accepts me. I, in the same way, should accept him- even his messy traits.

3)      Settle into reality- It has been said before, never marry expecting to change someone. I realized that Ryan being messier than me was just how it was going to be. It is okay that he isn’t as organized as me. That is reality!

I will add to this: Sometimes these types of things have to be discussed and a middle ground found. I do completely understand that! I am not referring to a situation where the health or safety of you and your family are at jeopardy. In this instance I am referring to slight difference in preferences that could cause negative emotions and resentment for something that in reality is minor. Also, I would like to add Ryan does a very good job considering my needs of needing organization and order. For us, we have found a common ground that works. However, in the beginning and still sometimes now I have to remember these three mindsets.

How do you deal with your messy man?

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Until Next Time- Truly Love,


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  1. I have to say I got really blessed, we are pretty similar in the cleaning and organization department. I’m thankful for that!

    • That is great, Mia! The most important thing is that couples figure out a way to make their personalities work together even when it comes to picking up and cleaning.

  2. Ohhhh Cassie, you read my mind and life!!! HAHA!

    Matt is very type B about most things [aka messy] and I am NOT. I’m very type A and I like everything in my house to have a home.

    I will admit that I’m often the nagging wife, harping on him to pick up his stuff. We’re going on 7 years of marriage, so it’s about time I accepted this as reality forever haha!

    I have made the weekends our clean-up time, and he does a really good job of pitching in and putting his things away. I also find a lot of purpose and fulfillment in cleaning/tidying up the house, so I honestly don’t mind doing some of it for him.

    Truthfully, I think it will be a back and forth struggle, give and take, forever. But I am accepting that we have very different personalities and styles, and fighting it/trying to change him won’t work, so acceptance is key!

    Great blog post!!

    • Laura,
      I have to continually work on not to be a nagging wife. Some days it is harder and some days I am more accepting. I know that it is because of my personality. Thankfully though I recognize this and try to keep it in check. That is great that Matt pitches in to clean. I feel you there about having purpose and fulfillment with cleaning. Although sometimes I don’t want to clean a darn thing! :)

  3. I’m lucky that my husband is actually a clean freak! His best friend might be out Swiffer Sweeper. We have a dog and cat that shed so the Swiffer Sweeper is our household’s favorite item.

    • Haha! That could be nice I suppose. I am sure there are some relationships that are just the opposite where the man has to figure out how to deal with his messy wife!

  4. Wonderful post, Cassie. This is all part of the love, acceptance, grace, and kindness when it comes to marriage and it can be lost when two people butt heads over preferences. My husband and I fell into this trap early on. Luckily we recognized it and fixed it. Stopping in from Wifey Wednesday where you were my neighbor.

    • Kim- Thanks for stopping by! Yes it is all a part of marriage. Sometimes it takes effort and energy to get the right mindset about things though. I am glad you guys figured things out early on!

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