For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn- Chapter 9

August 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Today is our last “For Women Only” Wednesday. We have chapter 9 to review and announcing the winner of our July giveaway for their free copy of the book! But first, in case you missed any of the reviews or would like to go back to reread them:

Chapters 1 and 2          Chapters 3 and 4          Chapters 5 and 6          Chapters 7 and 8

Chapter 9- Words for Your Heart- What Your Man Most Wishes You Knew About Him

Shaunti had one open ended question on her surveys. It stated, “What is the one thing that you wish your wife/significant other knew, but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her?” The number one answer by a land slide was, “How much I love her.” Out of ALL the things they could have put here they chose that! When tallied all the responses from all the topics talked about previously (burden to provide, needing more sex, needing more respect, wives making effort to take care of themselves) when asked about what is most important to the men they said wanting their women to know how much they love them and that there is nothing they can’t tell us. In this chapter she goes on to give example of what men said in their answers to that open ended questions.

The chapter ends with a great thought from one the the gentlemen she interviewed:

It is so true, that behind every great man is a great women. There are a lot of men out there who are mediocre, simply because their wives will not support them and bring them to greatness. And there are a lot of mediocre men who are destined to become great men- who are becoming great men- because their wives love and support them. My wife expects great things from me even though I am a pretty ordinary guy really. She looks at me like I’m a genius in my field. She respects me in public and affirms me in private. I love her. And like all men, I want to live up to her expectations.

I hope and pray that we each can make our men feel this way!

That is all for the chapter reviews on “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. I hope you have enjoyed it and learned some valuable insights. If you would like to check out the book to read it all for yourself there is a like below for you:

JULY GIVEAWAY WINNER!!!!

And now for the fun part!!!! The winner of our July Giveaway! The person who will be winning their very own copy of this amazing book……is…..drum roll please…….. TAMARA L! Congrats Tamara! We will be in contact with you shortly! Don’t worry the rest of you. We are working on doing another contest involving something we bring back from the 2012 London Olympics!

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For Women Only By Shaunti Feldhahn – Chapters 7 & 8

July 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It’s For Women Only Wednesday! We have previously discussed chapters 1 & 2, chapters 3 & 4 and chapters 5 & 6. Now we are moving on to chapters 7) Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing and chapter 8 ) The Truth About the Way You Look. Let’s just dive right in!

Chapters 7) Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing-Why the Reluctant Clod You Know Really Does Want Romance

Throughout the surveys Shaunti took she found out that 84% of men desired romance for themselves. She also found out that most men were fairly confident that they could plan a romantic event however almost half of the men where not sure if we ladies would like their efforts. Three hesitations men typically have about romantic events are: they won’t do a very good job, they are haunted by other romantic failures and it’s difficult to switch from work to play.

The chapter goes on to talk about how men and women’s definition of romance are different. Therefore, she gives us 2 redefinitons to think about. 1) Men want to go out and “play” with their wives. Go on a hike or exploring a nearby town- things of that nature. Having fun, together, doing something rather than a quiet dinner. 2) Romance without sex may not feel complete for our men. From the earlier review we know sex is a very important part that helps men feel loved. Spending quality time with him during the outing may not be enough for him to feel romanced.

Shuanti finished the chapter by saying to encourage our husbands when they attempt romancing, but to also continually entice him so that he wants to pursue you and lastly don’t be afraid to give him hints about what you need.

Chapter 8 ) The Truth About the Way You Look-Why What’s on the Outside Matters to Him on the Inside

This is another chapter that you really have to prepare for. I stopped a bit into it and prayed for an open heart and understanding. The chapter opens up with,

He doesn’t need you to be a size 3, but he does need you to make the effort to take care of yourself for him- and he’ll willingly help you.

She first assures the women reading the book by saying that we all have insecurities about our bodies and this chapter is in no way trying to add to that. This chapter is however trying to help women understand how important it is to our men that we present ourselves in a nice way.

Men that were surveyed said several interesting things: 1) If their wife is over weight, complains about it, yet does nothing about the issue it emotionally bothers many men. 2) Men want their wives to look good and feel energetic. It’s not important for them to look like they did the day they met, but to take care of herself now.

Why does our appearance matter?

- When we take care of ourselves, our men feel loved.

-When we don’t take care of ourselves, men feel unvalued and unhappy.

- When we take care of our self, our expectation that our men ‘only have eyes for us’ feels more fair and easier to accomplish to our men.

- Men want and need to be proud of us.

Shaunti ends the chapter by saying that men also said they were willing to help us obtain our goals to stay well kept and healthy. She also reminded us that praying about this topic is very helpful as well as sometimes we don’t quite understand it all!

There are a lot of great things in these two chapters to think about and that has changed my perspective. If you would like to read the whole chapters click the banner above to get a chance to win your own copy or to get more information on these two topics you can check out the book below!

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For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn- Chapters 5 & 6

July 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This weeks review is on two chapters that talk about sex and visual distractions. Let’s see what the book says about the two topics! But first, in case you want to check out previous chapter reviews here they are:

Chapters 1 & 2

Chapters 3 & 4

Ok on to today’s chapters!

Chapter 5- “Sex Changes Everything- Why Sex Unlocks a Man’s Emotions”

This chapter starts out with a quote that says,

Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.

One of the polls taken asked if men had sex as often as they wanted how important would it be to also feel wanted and desired by their wife. 66% said very important and 31% said somewhat important. All but 3% of men feel that it is important to be wanted by their women! Our men want to be wanted. Fulfilling sex makes our husbands feel loved and desired, but it also gives him confidence.

In the previous review we talked about how our man often feels like an impostor. This chapter says showing him that we desire him gives him a firm foundation to take on the rest of the world. I know that I want to support Ryan in every aspect of life so that he can reach his highest potential! With that being said the chapter also recommends some things to “overcome the sex gap”. It recommends:

1) Choose to love him in the way he needs: View sex as an essential piece to your husbands mental state rather than pure physical needs

2) Get involved: Our guys like it when we are enjoying sex so don’t be afraid to try new things or discuss what you like and don’t like.

3) Make sex a priority: No need to explain.

4) If you need help, get it: Sometimes past experiences can hold women back from enjoying sex with their husbands. If this is the case get help to guide you through those feelings. For the sake of you and your husband.

Chapter 6- “Keeper of the Visual Rolodex- Why it’s So Natural for Him to Look and So Hard to Forget What He’s Seen”

I will be honest. This chapter was hard for me to grasp and take in.

This chapter has two main points: 1) Most men (98%) notice attractive women and even if they try not to look at them they are “acutely aware of her presence.” It is natural for men to notice to pretty ladies. 2) Men have a mental Rolodex of sensual images. These images come up randomly or can be called up at will and they range from intimate times with their wives to porn scenes they saw years ago. Shaunti explains it in this way,

Because men are hardwired to be sexual hunters those thoughts and images become associated with powerful feelings. When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sexual pleasure- a short-term pleasure that, hopefully, the man denies himself in order to honor God, his wife, or his mental purity and thus establish a deeper pleasure down the road.

The great news is every man can obviously make the choice to dwell on the thoughts and images or to dismiss them!

Where 90-98 percent of men record they are visual (in the sense of the two ways listed above) only 25 % of women are visual which makes this concept very hard for us to understand at times. For this reason the chapter ends with some reassurances and some to do’s. Reassurances: 1) His temptations are often not primarily sexual, but more instinctive. 2) Every man is different which allows them to experience visual temptations differently. 3) It’s not because of you! 4) This doesn’t impact his feelings for you! They do not have a relationship with those that catch their eyes, however with you they have a deep and meaningful relationship.

And lastly what is a women to do about all this sex and visual distraction stuff?!

1) Pray for your husband and for your relationship.

2) Check your heart.

3) Determine your involvement level

4) Become a support

5) Champion modesty in yourself and others

One personal suggestion: Have meaningful, fulfilling sex on a regular basis that you too look forward to, walk around naked in front of your husband, and dress nicely/sexy for your husband. These things will not only affect your husbands attitude and confidence, but also adds many images into his Rolodex that we don’t mind him pulling up over and over again! ;)

If you would like to read in detail what these “to do’s” for women are all about you can get a copy of the book below or click the banner above for a chance to win a free copy!

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For Women Only By Shaunti Feldhahn- Chapters 3 & 4

July 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last week I started the book review for “For Women Only” By Shaunti Feldhahn where I covered chapters 1 and 2. This week we are moving on to chapters 3 & 4 so let’s get to it!

Chapter 3-”The Performance of a Life Time-Why Your Mr. Smooth Looks so Impressive but Feels Like an Impostor”

Shaunti says that a man’s inner vulnerability about his performance comes from his conviction that he is being watched and judged at all times. In her surveys she found out that no matter how confident the men looked on the outside more than 75% said they were insecure about what others thought of them. She goes on to explain that men often feel like impostors. Even when men are giving it their best they feel like impostors at work and home. When surveyed most men said that when new or unfamiliar things come up they are insecure. Men also stated that since they don’t always know the answer they feel like they are going to mess up or be found out (that they don’t know the answer.)

I would suspect some of these things are true for most people- male or female. However, the book goes on to talk about how we can help our husband overcome this issue. The book suggests affirming your husband on great things he does rather than tearing him down on other things. Making sure you create a “safe zone” at home where your husband feels comfortable bringing up his struggles is another important part of this chapter. The last and most important thing that this chapter brings to light is this: if you are not affirming your husband, he will seek this affirmation somewhere else!

Does your husband spend hours playing sports with friends where he is the super star? Does he like the positive remarks female co-workers give him? Does he always have to win at games? These could be signs that your husband NEEDS more affirmations from you! Affirm your husband often!

 

Chapter4- “The Loneliest Burden- How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He Likes It That Way”

This chapter discusses how providing for his family is at the core of a man’s identity. Often men end up working more or taking on more responsibilities at work because he correlated that with more money or moving up the ladder which then will provide more/better for his family. Women then ask their husbands why they are working so much and tell them they want more time with them. This is a complex for men! They are trying to provide, yet we still don’t seem happy. They then don’t know what they should do and creates a constant pull!

If this is a situation you and your husband are in you need to sit down and talk. First, tell them you appreciated all their hard work and how they are providing for you and the family. Then, tell them how it makes you feel when he is gone/working so much (using I statements). Next, openly discuss what would be a good balance (between work and family/couple time) for the two of you and/or the family.

No matter what situation you are in ALWAYS remember to thank your spouse for all the work they do. I thank Ryan for working hard so: we can go on weekend trips, we can get extra things on the Walmart run, so I can stay home during the summer, we can have a nice home and so many other things. Thank your husband for what he provides!

Remember to click the banner above to see all the ways you can enter to win a free copy of “For Women Only” By Shaunti Feldhahn! If you can’t wait to win a copy you can buy it at the link below:

Next Wednesday we will go over chapters 5 (Sex Changes Everything) and chapter 6 (Keeper of the Visual Rolodex)!

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For Women Only By Shaunti Feldhahn- Chapter 1 and 2

July 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

First off: HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn is a must read for all women! Although I will tell you now you have to be open minded on some of the topics. When I finished up the book I had a deeper understanding and a new perspective. I have thought back to this book many times. Over the next few weeks we will have “Women Only Wednesdays” where I go through the book chapter by chapter and share the new insights I gained from this book. Today, I will go over chapter 1 and 2.

“Chapter 1- Lightbulb on!- How I Woke Up to What I Didn’t Know About Men”

In this chapter Shaunti tells how she was writing a book and started asking men questions to get a better understanding of men so that she could make her character as realistic as possible. She started receiving interesting information which intrigued her to do more research. She then continued doing research so that she could better understand the men in her life. She later published this book in hopes of helping other women.

“Chapter two- Your Love is Not Enough- Why Your Respect Means More to Him than Even Your Affection”

This chapter put it in perspective quickly when it said that most women take “I love you.” as a deep meaningful statement where as when men are respected they have that same feeling. Just as women expect their husbands to love them unconditionally, men expect their wives to respect them unconditionally. Respecting our husbands come in several different forms: respecting his judgement, respecting his abilities, respecting him in our communication (with him and when we speak about him), and respecting our husbands when we make assumptions.

What do I mean when I say respect your husband when we make assumptions!  ”My husband is late. He must have been watching the game AGAIN.” That could be considered an assumption that is not respecting your husband. Instead think, “My husband is late. I hope he ok. I am sure he is late for a good reason.”

Lastly and most importantly: Respect your husband in public! Throughout the surveys Shaunti received back this seemed to be the most important to men. Showing that we are behind our husbands 100%, trusting their judgement, having confidence in their abilities and respecting them as we talk meant the most to men.

Remember not only to say that you respect your husband, but also show that you respect them!

I will leave you with a quote from the chapter,

She has to make me feel respected so that I can command respect out in the world. If she defeats me emotionally, I can’t win the race and bring home the prize for her.

Check back next Wednesday for “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn book review on “Chapter 3- The Performance of a Lifetime- Why Your Mr. Smooth Looks So Impressive but Feels Like an Impostor” and “Chapter 4- The Loneliest Burden- How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He Likes It That Way.”

Don’t forget to click the banner above to get entered into a drawing for your free copy of this book! If you can’t wait to read the rest of the reviews or would like to read the whole book yourself you can find it below!

Leave a comment below to tell us one way you show respect to your husband!

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True Agape July Giveaway~ For Women Only & For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

July 1, 2012 by 3 Comments

In the month of July we are giving away two books: “For Women Only” and/or “For Men Only” (depending on your gender) by Shaunti Feldhahn. All you need to do is click the button below to choose the way you are going to enter into the giveaway. Simply leaving a comment on the blog or liking our facebook page will get you entered! You can even enter multiple ways and times!

Get to entering today to get as many chances as possible to get a copy of these great books!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

To check out reviews I have written about the book “For Women Only” click the “For Women Only By Shaunti Feldhahn” tab under “Looking for more?”

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