When His Dream, Becomes Our Dream

November 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Four days into knowing Ryan we were sitting there talking about our future plans and dreams. Ryan’s dream was to become a professional triathlete and inspirational speaker, along with having a wife that would fully support that dream and be the primary care taker of their many children. I shared that my dream was to be an awesome teacher that tucked all her school children under her wing as her own.

Ryan’s dream of becoming a professional triathlete and speaker was amazing to hear. It sounded like a huge goal to me as I had no idea what it would take to do either, but also I did not know Ryan that well either. Does this guy have the heart, determination, and skill to be able to do these things? Either way it would be a lot of hard work and a journey ahead.

With each passing day as we spent time together and I got to know him I became more confident in his dream. I started to see how far he had come and what he was doing to improve. Then, at some point it was no longer “his dream” that I was referring to it was “our dream”.

Last night as we were chatting with someone it hit me how important it is to have “our dream” in our marriages. Sometimes I think people go into marriage with each of their dreams and the other spouse is supportive, but it is their spouses dream. When it is our spouses dream we are only there to give our spouse support and encouragement. However, when the dream becomes “our dream” it becomes a whole new playing field. Not only are you their for support and encouragement, but important decisions will be made to support the dream, and both parties will put all efforts towards the dream.

For something to be “our dream” both parties truly have to want it, truly have to be okay with it, and truly have to own it. If you can not do those three things serious conversations need to take place or else major issues that will hold you/your spouse back from the dream will take place. Which will likely cause marriage strains if your spouse is sincere about the dream.

When we talk about our dream it makes me so excited! It makes me day dream about how it will be. It makes me want to work harder to take steps to get there faster! I can only imagine when we will have conversations about us currently doing our dream instead of conversations of when we do our dream!

What is the “our dream” in your marriage?

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

We Have a Failure to Communicate!

October 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Ryan and I had a meeting yesterday which has been scheduled for about a week and a half. He came home from work early to pick me up and we headed that way. As we got off the highway I started to wonder where we were at. I assumed Ryan was just taking a different way. It is pretty common for me to know only one way to places where Ryan knows multiple ways. We soon arrive at the conclusion we went to the wrong place.

Through out our conversations I told Ryan in was in the town over by the movie theater. Ryan recalled me pointing the place out while coming home from a race so he said he knew where it was. Since Ryan said he knew where it was I thought I had told him. We both thought we were headed to the right place until I realized we were NOT in the right place. With it only being 5 minutes from the start of our appointment I had to call and let them know we were running late.

So here is how it happened. The place we went and the place we were suppose to go to both were off a major highway that we drive on to go to races. And both of them has a movie theater off the highway. Both towns are also one town over starting with the same letter. HA! OOPS! We ended up being 10 minutes to our appointment, but it all worked out ok.

A little reminder to make sure we have clearly communicated. When it comes to directions I should always just send him a link to directions on Google Maps! I don’t always know exactly how to explain where we are going!

What is your funny story about failure to communicate? Share it below!

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

Marriage Advice from my Mom

October 15, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night my mom was in town for a meeting for work so she stopped by to have dinner with me. It was a wonderful time to catch up and chat about life. With her having two teenagers still at home and my busy schedule sometime it is hard to find time to chat for long periods of time. Tonight we got a whole three hours worth! :)

Before she left I had to ask, “What marriage advice do you have for me?” She gave a little laugh and made some comment about not being the one to give marriage advice. She then added, “Make a financial plan that you and your spouse agree on. ….before the age of 44!”

Simple enough it seems! I let her know we had actually been talking about it a lot lately. Although we have a plan that is working great for us right now we wanted to start looking a little more long term and make sure we were doing the best things with our money rather than just good things.

During our search for information and finding a financial adviser we found a few cool things that we wanted to share with you!

Drive Free Cars for Live! Actually watch the whole video!

See your Money Future: Plug in some of your current numbers and see what your future holds!

Family Budget Sheet: Compare your budget with what you are actually spending.

If you and your spouse are looking into budgeting and becoming debt free we recommend taking a look at Dave Ramsey’s philosophies and programs!

What is something you and your spouse do to help stay on budget?

Filed Under: Financial Advice, Newlywed Advice Tagged With: , ,

How to Have a Happy Marriage

October 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How do I have or continue to have a happy marriage?… is the question.

Over time marriages can become more like a business partnership rather than a spouse relationship. When this starts to occur for newlyweds some get a bit confused and don’t understand what is going on. It is important to understand that this is the natural flow of progression, however things can be done to make sure we keep the loving, caring, nurturing side of our relationship going along with the business side that must be attended to.

One relationship expert says:

The key to a healthy, happy, loving, connected, bonded, lasting, and successful marital relationship is to water the plant of marriage each day.

She then says to water the plant of marriage you need to:

  • Make the time and take the time and do not take your marriage for granted.
  • Make the time and take the time and do not take your spouse for granted.
  • Make the time and take the time and spend quality time with your spouse.
  • Make the time and take the time and get to know your spouse throughout your marriage.
  • Make the time and take the time and pay attention to your spouse.
  • Make the time and take the time and be supportive of your spouse.
  • Make the time and take the time and be a dear friend to your spouse.
  • Make the time and take the time to behave in a manner that is trustworthy, reliable, and responsible.
I like how she puts “make the time”, but also “take the time” to do these things. Sometimes it is a matter of changing our schedules or habits to create the time to work on our marriage. After we create the time we then must actually take that time to do so!
Take a moment today to write down one thing that would help you in each of these areas. For instance: Thanking God for my marriage, thank my spouse for working each day and helping provide for me, ask him how his day was at dinner and really listen to him, ask my spouse what goal he is currently wanting to work towards, etc. Make sure to write your list! After you write one down for each topic start implementing them before the week is over!
You are taking steps to ensure you have a happy marriage when you water the plant of marriage daily!
Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

Declutter Your Marriage

October 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Soon after we get married and move in together there becomes a house full of his stuff, her stuff and our stuff. It then seems like every time you see one parent or another they are bringing more stuff over saying, “Oh this is yours. I found it while I was cleaning.” I  mean come on we grew up at our parents house and there may still be things of ours there.

Here is how this scenario works for Ryan and I: When I was a kid we moved several times  so things got sorted through/given away when it was time to pack. Then, when I went to college I took pretty much everything of mine other than  like 3 totes of memorabilia stuff. Which my parents have since dropped off after getting married. Being the organized person I am these totes were organized from years back. So all we did was find a place to store them. Ryan however lived in the same house most of his childhood and only took the necessities to go to college. With him being not as organized as I am his totes are not so organized.

Here we are approaching living in our house for a year in December. Our spare room still has totes in it that need to be gone through. We have meant to go through them before now, but it has seemed like an overwhelming task. A task that we know that needs to be done, but one that we keep avoiding, which in turn makes us feel like we need to get it done even more. We couldn’t really just stack the totes away in the attic as we would need to go looking for something in them occasionally to find something we needed.

This past week we started tackling the totes in our spare room. I have started my sorting trash and things that already have a place in our house. Then I made a box for things Ryan will have to go through and a box that seems to be keepsakes (that Ryan will still probably have to go through). We are already half way done with the room!  Also, yesterday we headed over to his mom’s house to go through some of his childhood toys and such.

Sometimes as newlyweds we end up with a large amount of clutter due to things left over from the wedding or joining to lives as one. That is just a part of the process. The important part is that we take care of it in a timely manner so that it is not stealing our energy. Everything we do in our life requires energy. Instead of using energy to worry about the room that needs to be gone through or organized just get it done so that we can focus our energy on better positive things in our lives!

A few tips for decluttering your marriage:

1) If you are helping go through your spouses things be respectful of their belongings! Never throw away anything that could be important to them. This is a fine line as different people deem different things important.

2) For most (like us) it is overwhelming to think about getting the task done all in one setting. It seems like the storage containers are as big as in the picture above!  Think smaller! Plan to do one box on a Saturday or a handful of papers each evening this week. If you feel like doing more go for it. Go through things for a short period of time. If you stick with it too long you may start to trash or keep things that you do not intend to. It is better to do short spurts of organizing and get it done right the first time. After each organizing session trash the trash and put away the things that already have a spot in our home.

3) Create stacks/boxes/sacks for the following things: trash, random things that need to be gone through, things that already have a place in our house, junk mail to be shredded, and papers that need to be saved. (For us we also have a stack of papers that are for trainings and another for handwritten notes and journals so add piles that are specific to you).

4) Set up current spaces to help beat clutter. Have a spot for mail, coupon, cards, etc. For us we have shoe boxes for our race bibs and things we create/give each other that we want to keep. Set these spaces up to match your needs!

5) No need to buy expensive organizational things. Recycle! We use large yogurt containers to hold our pens and a computer monitor box for our wrapping paper.

Before you know it you will have decluttered your marriage, but also started creating habits so that new clutter does not accumulate! Now that the clutter is taken care of we can focus more time and energy into more important things like our actual marriage!

What are ways you declutter your marriage?

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

Focus on Your Marriage

October 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes, as newlyweds, there are times when we may feel that we need to focus on our marriage a bit more. These times could be if we have been busy with the new house and don’t feel like we have been giving the relationship the attention we need to or if you feel your partner is not giving the relationship the attention it needs, but to something else instead. (Hopefully in either case you have thought/talked about how to solve these problems.) I have also been told there is a phase in marriage where it can come more of a business partnership rather than an enjoyable relationship. If your relationship has gotten to that stage this may be another reason to focus on your marriage.

The question is: How do I focus on my marriage?! Sounds easy enough, but what can I do on a daily basis that will ensure I focus on my marriage in a positive way?

Dr. Karen, who deems herself a relationship expert, advises to do this:

  1. Every morning when you wake up ask yourself:
    1. What is one thing I can do today to help enhance my marriage?
    2. What is one thing I can do today to help my spouse feel loved, valued, appreciated, and special?
  2. Make sure to implement your answer to your questions that very day.
  3. Every night before you go to sleep ask yourself:
    1. What is the one thing I did today to help enhance my marriage?
    2. What did I do today that helped my spouse to feel loved, valued, appreciated, and special?
The thing about this technique is you have to be honest with yourself. If you are lying to yourself about how you could enhance your marriage or if you implemented it that day you are not going to make any improvements! Really think about what you could do. Maybe even talk to your spouse about ways to make them feel loved.  For me personally this is something that I may put in my journal. That way I could actually remember and refer back to what I had focused on previously. This also may be a good way to write down any responses/changes you see in your spouse and if you feel it is improving your marriage.
I believe our marriage is just like any thing else (career, hobby, etc). We must spend time focusing on our marriage to improve it and make it the best it can be. If you feel like you need to focus on your marriage try out this little technique and see if it makes a difference!
Leave a comment below to tell us ways you focus on your marriage!
Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

Make a Bliss List

October 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are times that we would love to do something for our spouse, but we just are not quite sure what we should do for them. There are a lot of things we have on our minds throughout the day which can leave us forgetting those small comments made by our spouse that we try to remember to tag as “Oh good idea to do for them sometime.” Or sometimes our lives get a bit hectic and it can be weeks before we think of doing something sweet for our spouse.

These are just a few reasons why you and your spouse should each make a bliss list. (As some of you know I love lists…but that is not why we are doing this!) These lists are generated by each person and it is full of things that add to our sense of happiness. Put things on there like your favorite snack, favorite thing to do with your spouse, etc. Your list could look something like this:

~*~Bliss List~*~

Banana and Peanut Butter

Reading Before Bed

Cuddling

Quiet dinner

Crafting

Foot Rub

Organized Spaces

Holding Hands

After each one makes a list share the list with each other. After sharing the lists put them somewhere they can be seen by both parties. This will not only give you each ideas, but also remind you to do something for each other often. You can always add to the list as you think of more things!

The example list above could provide several ideas for you to do something sweet for your spouse. Pack them or bring them their favorite snack to work, do one of their chores so they have time to read that evening, take the time to cuddle with them or spend a quiet dinner with them, get them crafting supplies or certificate for a class and so on. Be creative!

The bliss list not only allows your spouse to do things for you that really will add happiness to your day, but also allows you to add happiness to their day as well! So go ahead and make your bliss list today!

How do you think a bliss list would help you and your spouse?

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: ,

The Secret to a Long Marriage

October 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Often when us young newlyweds see an older couple that still appear in love we often wonder, “what is their secret?” How after all these years can they have such a great connection and care so much about each other? Ryan and I are approaching our one year anniversary and our love grows for each other with each passing day as we learn more about each other and go through things together. So that must be it with these couples, right? They have been together so long that their loves has grown each day where they just love each other so much!

Well that might be a part of it. A couple that has been married for 60 years shares what they think the secret is. They say that talking with your spouse about everything and not setting your standards too high with a large mortgage is the key to a successful marriage.

Talking and discussing everything with our spouse allows them to be our best friend, our go to person. It builds trust and opportunities for us to grow together. We learn a lot from the others insights as well.  Making sure that as a newlywed couple we get a mortgage that is manageable is important. This hopefully creates less stress and concern about finances which is typically the number one issue in marriages.

Keeping these two tips in mind and taking steps to make sure we achieve them as a couple will help us have a long marriage. Now you know one couples secret to a long marriage!

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Couples’ Game Night

October 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This weekend we went over to a friend’s house who was hosting a couples’ game night. They have done this several times and each time it is a lot of fun! This was the first weekend we were not racing in the past month so it was nice to have a relaxing weekend, but also to be able to hang out with some friends we have not seen in awhile.

I have heard some newlyweds say it is a hard transition period to find other couples to hang out with after marriage. If a lot of your friends are still single they may not have the mind set to invite spouses, the need to be home at a certain time, etc. Therefore, having couples to hang out with after getting married can be of great help.

Our couple friend is also a newlywed couple. They moved, she changed jobs, and they no longer have family close by. Although our game nights have included different couples through the changes we continue to have them. It is a great time to hang out with other couples with like minds and have a few laughs. The way our friends do it is they invite everyone over at about 6:30 or 7 on a Saturday evening so everyone can have their own dinners. She likes to bake so she typically does a few desserts and cuts up fruits. Other times we have each brought a dessert for larger game nights. Couples also bring their favorite games. We then have an evening of snack around, chatting and play games!

You can invite people from work, the gym, church or any other place you meet couples that you think you would enjoy spending time with. Here is a helpful site that may help you plan a couple’s game night!  Invite some couples over and have a night of fun!

Has anyone ever hosted a Couples’ Game Night? If so tell us about it!

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With:

Being a Happy and Calm Wife

September 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

As much as we ladies would like to think we can do it all, we can not! Now don’t get me wrong there are a lot of things we can do. It is just trying to do them all at the same time that is not the best idea! Let’s take a look at this:

We women want to excel in our marriage/families. So we strategically plan our schedule around our husbands and families. Putting them first, making sure things around the house are done for everyone to enjoy. Planning and fixing dinners, laundry, cleaning,  and other tasks that we feel must be completed.

We women want to excel in our careers. So we may get to work a little early or stay late- maybe bring work home with us. We have a constant to do list. More projects to be done or ideas that we would like to do that we believe would help us in/at our job.

We women want to excel as a human being. So we try to improve ourselves through personal goals and helping others. We know we are busy and we need to make time for ourselves so we try to spend time doing something we enjoy, yet sometimes it starts to feel like just another thing on the list of things to do. Then, there are the other commitments like this blog, belonging to PTO, volunteering at church, etc that we ladies get ourselves into (Because we want to of course!). And yet it’s just another thing that takes time and energy.

Wives, mothers, money earners, volunteers, committing women we can not always do it all! And that is okay! It comes to a point where we spread ourselves too thin and we are not excelling in any of the areas that we originally set out to do well in. We must learn to set boundaries and we must learn to ask for help.

If we are frustrated at the constant lingering feeling of getting things done for the family we have two things that we need to do. 1) Take a good look at the tasks we feel that are always there. Are these things really a must all the time or can we let go of the tight reins a bit? 2) If there are things that truly need to be taken care of and your plate is full don’t be afraid to ask your family/husband  for help. They are a part of the family and can help out too. As much as we women think it’s our job to make the world turn, it all will work out if the fam helps out a bit.

If we are frustrated at the extra hours that we are (choosing to) spend/ing at work do something about it! For me I have asked for help from parent volunteers to come in and help make copies and such. I had 8 parents help me for about 20 minutes each on a project I needed to get done. That would have been almost 3 hours of extra time I would have spent at work if I had done it alone. They were more than happy to help! I also turned down a team leader position as I knew I could not take on another large responsibility. Sometimes you just have to say no. Most people respect that.

If we are frustrated at the amount of volunteering and commitments we would like to do, but feel like we have no time to do we need to reevaluate a few things. 1) How are we spending our free time? 2) What are the most important things to us?  3) How can we make time for these things?

It all requires balance! Asking for help and saying no are two things that help us ladies balance it all out so don’t be afraid to do either! For me the most important thing in all the areas listed above is being a happy, calm wife. Therefore, I must make sure all areas of life that are intertwined into this one human being are happy and calm. This is something I continue to work on and I know many other wives are as well.

What things help you to be happy and calm in marriage and in life? Tell us below :)

Filed Under: Newlywed Advice Tagged With: , ,
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